Photo of violinist, Lindsey Stirling, from Cardinal Playlists.
Parents play a very influential role in the success or failure of their child's musical career -- whatever that may be. I've frequently avoided bringing this up with parents because I don't want to be pushy. However, I've had some parents ask me recently, "Just how much should I be involved with my child's private lessons?" So, I've decided it's a fitting first topic for the blog, as parents need to get started right from the very beginning of a private lesson arrangement, and it's often parents who first come to me for lessons for their children.
I feel very strongly that parental support is needed, regardless of the child's age, for a very long time. Your child is always your child, so it is always your responsibility to be supportive of your child's endeavors and studies in music. I feel it is crucial that parents help their child remember to practice every day. It shouldn't be a chore, just a helpful reminder to fit in those 30 minutes today.
When I was growing up, I would frequently just forget to practice. My mom would remind me gently, and I would happily toddle off to play for an hour. It wasn't that I didn't want to practice, it wasn't even that I disliked practicing in the slightest; I simply had other things on my mind, and had forgotten it was an option to occupy my time.
However, not everyone is like me, and not everyone likes to practice. Or, if they do like practicing, they don't like it as much as some other activities they would rather do. Parents, I suggest you employ the Premack Principle in these cases. The Premack Principle goes something like this, "If you practice your violin for a really good half-hour, I'll take you to the pool when you finish." Basically, your son/daughter has to do what you want them to do in order to do what they would like to do. What tends to happen is, after enough repetitions, the activity you want your child to do becomes just as enjoyable as the activity your son/daughter wanted to do! Feel free to apply elsewhere as needed. ;-)
When I got really busy, I often had days I would come home from school, change, immediately go to some activity (ballet or horseback riding comes to mind), doing homework in the car on the way to and from said activity. By the time I got home from such physically and psychologically exhausting work, I was NOT in the mood to practice. However, I could unwind while eating dinner then watching a TV show, and practice on the commercials. One-hour of TV usually results in about 15-20 minutes of practice. Point is, multitask whenever possible to conserve time and energy.
Parents generally run into the most difficulty when their child blatantly refuses to practice because they, "HATE IT!!!!" They don't really hate it 99% of the time. They're just overloaded with worries of life, and can't fit violin into it. Addressing other life problems, or reconsidering more effective and thus enjoyable practice techniques will help to rekindle a love of the instrument and the work that goes into learning it.
One request I have of parents is to please remind your son/daughter to read their lesson notes before every practice session. I leave very detailed instructions what they need to work on for every element of their regimen in their notebooks. It is, therefore, essential to bring their notebook to every lesson.
Now, I am all for teaching responsibility. Give your son/daughter 21 straight days of gentle reminders to get in the groove, and see if they can carry on without your reminders. It takes about 21 days to establish a habit. When the practice habit is formed, they will actually miss practicing if it is left out of their schedule that day. Hopefully, they will be able to take the initiative most of the time from there with only occasional reminders.
Practicing for me was a huge stress reliever. I would even practice if I stayed home sick. I spent many a days with a sore throat playing my violin. It helped take my mind off the pain, and gave me something to do besides lying in front of the TV or reading a book. I encourage my students to view practicing as an outlet for their need to be creative, individualistic, and independent. If you can help to convey it this way at home, that will help tremendously.
Finally, it is my job to give a good lesson, and I give every lesson with every student my all. But the other six days of the week, you have to be the spark for them at home. Maybe then, they'll grow up to be like Lindsey Stirling...
